SMS txt jokes

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I'm sweet like sugar,
soft like suade,
but unlike nintentdo,
i never get played!
[- liz]

Why sex is better than golf:
No green fee,
smaller hole
need only 1 stick & 2 balls,
more strokes
noisy playing permitted
wet conditions ideal!
[- pierre]

life's not a garden,
so stop acting like a hoe!
[- liz]

If u think life is bad, imagine being a chicken egg...
U only get laid once, u only get smashed once
and the only bird who sits on your face is your mum
[- a]

A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother,
who's this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair.
that's your father.
then who that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us
[- hareesh]

Two nudists got divorced because they were seeing too much of each other.

How do you make a Swiss roll?
Push him off the top of a cliff.

A scientist crossed a skunk with an owl. He's got a bird that smells but doesn't give a hoot.

Can I have a return ticket please. Certainly, where to? Back here, you fool.

Why are all the dumb blonde jokes one-liners? So men will understand them.

The thief stole a calendar. He got 12 months.

Q: What did the constipated mathematician do?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.

here's my halo
made of glass
mess with me
and i'll kick ur ass
[- wittle angel]