SMS jokes

If you really wanna get stoned, drink wet cement.

I intend to live for ever and so far everything goes well.

Be yourself,
there are enough other people.

what did tiger see in the toilet?
pooh!

What do you call an intelligent man?
A Rumour!
[- loony]

man going through airport door side ways surly going to bangkok

how many blonde jokes are there?
1...the rest are all true!

Why do fortune-tellers first ask your name?

Q: what do we call a woman who knows exactly where her husband is at any time of the day/night?
A: a widow
[- tumisho]

1 out of 4 people is Chinese. If ur father or ur mother or ur brother are not Chinese, it must b u.

They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

Any more stupid and he'd hav 2 b watered twice a week.

The older I get, the better I was.

The instinctive goal of a toddler is to rule the universe, starting with your home.

The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents.

Success always occurs in private, and failure always occurs in full view.

Familiarity breeds children.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts!

Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

boy1: u are stupid, indeed
boy2 to friend: he said i was stupid, it's true. But why did he call me indeed

how do you confuse a blonde?
put her in a square room an tell her to sit in the corner

Do you know why road-kill never includes crows?
Because there is always 1 crow saying "caw! caw!" whenever a car comes down the road.

what do u call a pig with three eyes?
piiig
[- ali]

Do you know why the chicken crossed the road?
To show the possum that it could be done

I've been counting the reasons why you think I'm smart. Carry on, I won't interject again.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

I AM, therefore I THINK!

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

He who hesitates is probably right.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"